I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
