okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
