It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
