I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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