My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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