omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
