Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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