i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
