My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
