The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize