I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
