Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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