return my video game
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
