I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
