apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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