i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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