she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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