rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
