i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
two words...techno handjob
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
