So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was CRYING into my vagina
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize