Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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