final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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