at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
