Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
