Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
