Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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