I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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