i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
