I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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