I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
