worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
