I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In other news, I just burned my penis
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
