I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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