Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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