Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
