Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
