Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
