the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize