I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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