I smell stomach acid.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize