"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
