I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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