Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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