I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
