Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
