I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
