dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
