She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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