I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
