WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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