I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
