We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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