Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
