im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
