I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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