legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
