I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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