she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
