its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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