I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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