yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
