I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
