I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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