Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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