I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's the barista slut.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
