i just wanna soil my oats bro
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
