no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
