we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
