Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
