she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
