I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you win again, gameday.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
