Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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